understanding grows. What is not always considered is how a loved one’s mental health issues affect the family of origin and the family of choice. These family members are at risk of
compassion fatigue and depression. In the quest to provide adequate support for their person, they often forget about their own needs. Caregivers know that they are on the same journey as their loved one. If their person is not doing well, they are not doing well either.
This difficult journey can trigger some powerful negative emotions in family members. It is
normal that they will experience anxiety and fear about the uncertain future and the recovery of their loved one. They may struggle with guilt and shame. It is normal that they will have moments of frustration, anger, and resentment arising from the difficult interactions that occur. The family member is often without support for themselves. Too often, family members feel isolated and hopeless. They may struggle with their own mental health as collateral damage from the support they provide.
Do you have memories of flying on an airplane and the flight attendants providing the safety
instructions? They included the importance of, when the oxygen masks drop down, putting yours on first, before you try to help anyone else. Similarly, it is imperative that family members keep themselves healthy, physically and emotionally. To do this requires not being afraid to ask for help, focusing on the positive things in their life, and building a network of support.
Support comes in different forms. Volunteer organizations exist that offer peer support and
education about various mental health issues. There is PLEO (Parents with Lived Experience
Organization), providing peer support to parents and caregivers for children up to age 25 who are facing mental health challenges. The Ottawa Network for Borderline Personality Disorder (ON-BPD) Family Connections program provides support and education for those with a loved one with borderline personality disorder. There are several organizations that offer education and support for friends and families of those with addiction issues. These are just a few search engines will offer other resources for peer support.
Some individual tips for a family member:
∙Set limits for yourself that align with your values
∙Say ‘no’ if you need to: it is okay
∙Ask for help: family, friends, even colleagues may want to help, but may not know how
to
∙Take time daily to take care of yourself
∙Engage in activities you enjoy
∙Therapy or counseling can help you find strategies for resilience.
Remember, your loved one is more than their diagnosis. To be the support you want to be and that your person needs – Reach for your oxygen mask!
