Just One Thing
If you’ve struggled with depression or general unhappiness for a long time, you might recognize this feeling: a quiet dread of the future. Not just sadness, but a sense that “nothing will change” or “there’s no point trying.”
What if part of what keeps you stuck isn’t your mood, but how much you struggle with not knowing what will happen?
In my work with clients with chronic depression, I have noticed a pattern called intolerance of uncertainty. When “not knowing” feels unbearable, it’s natural to stop taking risks, stop deciding, and stop hoping. But this shrinks your world and makes depression harder to shift.
In this guide, I’ll explain what intolerance of uncertainty is, how it connects to chronic depression, and what you can start doing today to build a different relationship with uncertainty.
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What is intolerance of uncertainty?
Intolerance of uncertainty isn’t about being careless or reckless. It’s when “not knowing” itself feels threatening. Common thoughts include:
· “I must be sure before I decide.”
· “If I don’t know what will happen, it’s probably bad.”
· “I can’t handle it if this goes wrong.”
This makes everyday situations stressful:
· Waiting for a reply
· Trying something new
· Making a decision about work or relationships
· Starting a habit or routine
To escape the discomfort, people often:
· Overthink and ruminate
· Ask for reassurance endlessly
· Avoid the situation
· Over-plan or check repeatedly
These strategies can feel like relief in the moment, but they keep you stuck long-term.
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How uncertainty keeps chronic depression going
Chronic depression often comes with “false certainty” statements like:
· “I know nothing will get better.”
· “I already know I’ll fail.”
· “There’s no point even trying.”
These aren’t facts – they’re often ways to avoid the anxiety of not knowing:
Example: Applying for a job is scary because you don’t know if you’ll get it. Saying “there’s no point” lets you skip the risk of disappointment. But now you’ve also skipped the chance of a “yes.”
The cycle looks like this:
1. Uncertainty about work, relationships, health, or the future
2. Catastrophic thoughts (“I’ll fail,” “I can’t cope”)
3. Avoidance or rumination to “solve” it
4. No new experiences, so life stays small
5. Hopelessness (“See, nothing changes”)
The good news? You can interrupt this cycle by practicing tolerating uncertainty in small, manageable ways.
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What you can do: 3 simple strategies to start
You don’t need to “feel ready” or “believe” these strategies first. Just try them like experiments.
1. Name your “not knowing” thoughts
What to do: When you notice yourself ruminating, avoiding, or over-checking, pause and name the uncertainty.
Example log:
Situation: Waiting to hear about a job application
Uncertainty: I don’t know if I’ll get it
Thought: "If I don’t, I’m worthless"
What I did: Refreshed email 20 times, imagined all the ways it could go wrong
Why it helps: Naming the pattern (“this is my intolerance of uncertainty”) creates space between you and the thought.
2. Try a tiny “uncertainty experiment”
What to do: Pick one small situation where you usually seek certainty, and do it differently.
Examples:
· Send a text or email without checking it 5 times
· Pick a restaurant or activity without endless research
· Leave one task unfinished for the day (e.g., don’t make your bed perfectly)
· Make a small decision in under 5 minutes
Before: Write what you predict will happen and how bad it will be (0–100%). After: What actually happened? How did you cope?
Why it helps: You’ll learn that uncertainty is uncomfortable but survivable, and outcomes are rarely as bad as predicted.
3. Ask: “What would I do if I didn’t need to know?”
What to do: For one decision or opportunity this week, imagine you could tolerate “not knowing” the outcome. What small step would you take?
Examples:
· Text someone you’ve been avoiding
· Sign up for a class or group
· Try a new routine (walk, hobby, healthy meal)
· Apply for something, even if part of you thinks “no point”
Why it helps: Small actions create momentum, positive experiences, and proof that you can live well without guarantees.
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A simple weekly plan to get started
Monday: Log 1–2 moments of uncertainty and what you did. Tuesday–Thursday: Do one tiny uncertainty experiment (send imperfect email, make quick decision). Friday: Reflect – what did you learn about “not knowing”? Weekend: One values-based action (call a friend, take a walk, try a recipe) despite uncertainty.
Track your mood daily (1–10) to notice even small shifts.
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When to seek help
These strategies work best with support, especially if depression has been chronic. A therapist can:
· Help you design personalized experiments
· Challenge deeper beliefs about uncertainty and failure
· Support you through tough moments
· Track progress with simple tools like the Intolerance of Uncertainty Scale If you’d like to work on this together, contact me here for a free 15-minute consultation.
You don’t have to feel certain to start living differently. Small steps into uncertainty can change everything.
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Note: This is general information, not personalized advice. Always consult a qualified professional for your situation.
By Kirstine Postma, Clinical Psychologist
