Life is often punctuated with moments of distress and intense periods of emotional or physical strain that can make us feel overwhelmed and powerless. Distress tolerance is the skill of enduring these difficult times without freaking out, doing something foolish or harming ourselves or others. Distress tolerance allows us to regulate our emotions, stay balanced and buffer the inevitable stresses of life. It focuses on surviving crises and accepting life as it is in the moment, even when it feels unbearable. Distress tolerance is about enduring and accepting significant difficulty without trying to escape or alleviate it through negative means. It involves recognizing that difficult times are an inevitable part of life.
Building distress tolerance skills is crucial for several reasons:
- Prevents Escalation: When people lack distress tolerance skills, they may resort to harmful behaviors such as substance abuse, self-harm, or impulsive actions to escape their discomfort. These behaviors lead to further complications and exacerbate the original distress.
- Enhances Resilience: Developing distress tolerance increases emotional resilience, allowing individuals to face challenges with greater strength and stability. This resilience is key to bouncing back from setbacks and maintaining mental health.
- Improves Relationships: High distress tolerance can lead to better interpersonal relationships. When individuals manage their distress effectively, they are less likely to lash out at others or engage in conflict, fostering healthier and more supportive connections.
There are several ways that you can build and strengthen your distress tolerance:
Acceptance is the most important way to enhance stress tolerance. It involves fully acknowledging and accepting reality as it is, without judgment or resistance. It means letting go of the need to control or change the situation and embracing the present moment, no matter how painful it might be.
Acceptance is not giving up
It is an active process of recognizing the reality of the situation. For example:
- Tracy has a difficult relationship with her boss who is also the owner of the business. He makes unreasonable demands that she cannot change. Circumstances prevent her from changing jobs. She practices acceptance by acknowledging her situation without resistance. She stops getting frustrated or angry about her boss's demands and thinking it isn't fair. She reminds herself that she cannot control his behavior. She focuses on what she can control, such as her own responses and actions. This shift in perspective helps her to manage her stress and maintain her well-being, despite the challenging circumstances.
- John has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. While the news was devastating, he chose to practice acceptance, acknowledging the reality of his condition without falling into despair. He understood that he could not change his diagnosis, but he could control how he responded to it. John focused on making the most of his remaining time, cherishing moments with loved ones, and pursuing passions that brought him joy and fulfillment. He doesn't stop treatment and keeps up his healthy practices. He even tries another experimental treatment that may give a cure but doesn't risk traumatic side effects. He did not give up hope; instead, he redirected it towards achievable goals, such as creating lasting memories with his family and finding peace within himself. This approach allowed John to live his life with dignity and grace, despite the severity of his illness.
Distress tolerance is a vital skill that empowers individuals to navigate the inevitable storms of life with grace and resilience. By accepting pain as a natural part of the human experience and employing strategies to endure it, we can prevent the escalation of distress, enhance our emotional resilience, and foster healthier relationships.
Other coping strategies can supplement acceptance in stress tolerance. Tracy and John also used deep breathing and changed what they were saying to themselves. They sought support from friends and family.
Ultimately, learning to tolerate distress is about embracing the full spectrum of our emotions and finding strength in our vulnerability.
